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Handshaking:
Grasp the Meaning
by Robert E. Brown
(Reprinted from the NCHRC Quarterly).
Though it might seem quite perfunctory, the three-second ritual of
shaking hands can provide you with as much information about the other
person as a psychological profile, if you know how to read the signs.
Access to this data is easily available to you insofar as this simple
gesture is always performed before job interviews, performance
evaluations, meetings, etc. By understanding the other person's body
language, you can discover whether he/she is sincere or insincere,
dominant or submissive, deceitful. This is because the body cannot lie
no matter how much a person may try to cover up his/her true intentions.
This article describes how to interpret the messages of the most common
handshakes. Such nonverbal information is an invaluable addition to
whatever you may learn from another person's verbal responses,
clothing, resume or work record. To interpret handshaking, you'll need
to learn how to pick up the subtle signals that are sent during a
handshake.
There four basic steps in this process include:
1. Engage. A proper handshake should engage the other person's
full hand. This means that the web between your thumb and index finger
should be touching your
partner's. The hand should be flat enough so your palms are touching.
This puts your hand in the proper position to give and receive
messages.
2. Pause. Pausing is the key ingredient to a successful
handshake. By pausing or lingering at the natural conclusion of a
handshake, you are expressing sincerity
and openness. The objective of the pause is to be the last one to
release your
hand from the handshake. As you pause, hold your hand slightly at an
angle. Cup your last two fingers under slightly, with enough force to
support the edge of the other person's palm. This will allow you to
receive any of the information your partner sends during the conclusion
of the shake.
Being the last one to let go may seem awkward at first. But if you
project a positive attitude with the rest of your nonverbal
communicators (e.g. positive voice, good eye contact and smiling or
restraining a smile), the lingering won't be offensive.
3. Observe. Pausing allows you to observe what type of handshake
you're receiving. The hand is particularly suited to this kind of
investigation because it has
more nerve endings per square millimeter than any other part of the
body, with the greatest concentration in the fingers. Observe whether
the other person is pushing, pulling or twisting your hand. Notice
whether he or she shakes your hand vigorously or barely moves. Is the
hand warm and wet or cold and dry? Is it flexible or stiff? Alert your
subconscious to be particularly aware at the moment you shake hands.
Say to your subconscious: "while I'm doing what I need to do, collect
the information you receive, sort and categorize it, and give it to me
as I need it."
4. Remember. After the meeting, remember what the handshake was
like. Ask yourself who shook first. Who let go first? Was the person
nervous or relaxed? Was
the handshake coherent with what he or she was saying? Compare the
opening and closing handshakes. To remember more easily, make a visual
image of the
handshake each time you greet someone. Write down your impressions.
Once you start remembering handshakes, you can categorize them into 12
basic types. These interpretations should be modified by your own
observations but they are a good place to start.
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The All-American
This is the handshake used by most leaders and corporate executives.
The person delivering it will look you right in the eye, fully engage
your hand, smile and pump your
hand two or three times. This handshake expresses a feeling of relaxed
self-confidence. The person using it will be open, trustworthy and
willing to listen. There's no hidden agenda here. He or she is a good
"people" person and could be trusted in a highly classified position.
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The Lingering Handshake
This
one is firm with a warm grasp and two or more pumps. The end of the
handshake pauses or lingers. The lingering quality may denote openness
and sincerity, or it
may suggest that the person has something up his/her sleeve. Trust your
gut feeling about what the shake means. Check the person out carefully
if the other signals you get warrant it. If you find that the other
person is sincere, he or she will be an excellent candidate for a job
or a promotion. I would recommend that you offer people a combination
of the All-American and the Lingering handshake. This will send the
message that you're open and friendly, while allowing you to pick up
the other person's signals.
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The Push-Off
Even though this grip may be firm and warm, at the end your hand is
pushed or flicked away. The Push-Off can range from a slight stiff-arm
to a flat-out rejection. This handshake implies that the other person
has a strong need to establish his or her own territory and agenda. He
or she will tend to be a stand-offish person without good "people"
skills. This person will probably not make a good manager.
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The Pull-In
This person holds on to your hand to pull you closer or direct you
through a door or toward a chair. This is a somewhat manipulative
handshake. Because this type of
person is a controller who wants things done certain way, he or she may
not be a good team player. If the organization's goals conflict with
this person's goals, there will be a problem.
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The Two-Handed Shake
During this handshake, the person's right hand will
grab yours while the left hand grasps your wrist, forearm, biceps,
shoulder, or neck The higher the left hand, the
greater the manipulation and control. This is the favorite handshake of
politicians Because it implies a quick sincerity and intimacy. This
person is trying to sell you something that's not really there, e.g.,
"we're great buddies." He or she would probably not make a good
salesperson because other people will tend not to trust this "used car
salesman" shake.
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The Topper
The
dominant party in this handshake has his/her palm facing down in
relation to the other person. Like the winner of an arm wrestling
match, the hand on top is
clearly in control. To retain equality, simply step into this handshake
with your left foot. This handshake says "I'm in charge, I'm the Boss."
It tends to be the handshake of the conventional boss or manager who
manages through control. If this
person is too controlling, this can limit his/her effectiveness with
other people.
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The Finger Squeeze
Like the push-off, the finger squeeze is used to keep someone at a
comfortable distance. This kind of handshake will hurt your hand. This
is a very insecure type of person who equates brute strength with
personal power. They use their hands as weapons to dominate and
overpower people. These days, some women are
misguidedly using this kind of handshake.
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The Bone Crusher
will tend to turn other people off. However, if this person matures, he or she can
be a strong leader.
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The Palm Pinch
This person just offers you two or three fingers. It is usually given
by a woman who hasn't learned how to shake hands properly or who has a
fear of intimacy. This person will tend not to be very good at
interpersonal skills. If you're going to promote the Bone Crusher or
the Palm Pincher, you should tell them to shift to the All-American
shake.
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The Twister
In this one, the other person grabs your hand normally but aggressively
twists it under his/her hand at the end. This person is saying, "We may
be coming into this as equals, but in the end I'll be on top." This
person can turn on you. You may think you're in control, but he/she
will attempt to catch you off guard. This is a deceitful or devious
type of person. Don't gloss over the Twister too lightly. The Twister
is a major
red flag for a serious background check This candidate may not be a
good team player or a good security risk.
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The Dead Fish
We all know people who offer this kind of cold, clammy, indifferent
handshake. It tends to drain your energy. This individual tends to be
somewhat passive or apathetic. This
type of employee will usually be better with computers, machines and
information than with people. If he/she has good technical skills,
don't promote him/her to a managerial position. Dead Fish handshakers
probably won't have the energy and interest necessary for that type of
work.
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This information may make a useful addition to your repertoire of
people skills. You may want to practice using these skills for at least
three or four weeks so
that they become second nature to you. By following these simple steps
and fine-tuning your own interpretive powers, you'll be better prepared
to make more accurate decisions about other people based on your first
impressions.
Bob has produced a book and video on the handshaking concepts contained
in this article.
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